Short temper and anger are a mechanism for protecting the psyche from a situation that is perceived as a threat. But it can interfere with building strong relationships with people. We tell you what you can do to defeat your temper and become calmer.
1. Take a time out
If in a dialogue with a friend or when making a decision you realize that anger is boiling inside, you should take a time out. For example, say that you want to return to the conversation a little later and leave the room to calm down and put your thoughts in order. Or postpone the decision for 15-20 minutes, switching to a pleasant thing: listen to a couple of songs that relax you, look out the window, remember the impressions from your vacation. You can also take a deep breath and hold your breath for 10-15 seconds.
The main and most difficult thing in this situation is to notice in time the moment when you start to lose your temper, and interrupt communication before you say too much.
2. Remember a funny moment in your life
When angry, it can be difficult to switch to any positive emotion or calm down. But if you want to cool down faster, you should remember a funny moment in your life. Or view funny photos or pictures on your phone that make you smile. This will help shift focus and feel a little better.
3. Define your triggers
If short temper appears at certain moments, it is worth trying to avoid them. For example, if you feel angry about certain topics of conversation, tactfully ask the other person to talk about something else. And if you don’t like shopping when there are a lot of people, try to visit the shops during quieter hours, for example, in the early morning or late evening.
4. Get physical exercise
Anger gives a powerful surge of energy. And if you throw it out quickly, it will be much easier to calm down. You can do a few squats or plank if your anger has caught you at home.
But do not despair if you are at work or on the street. Put a small expander or an anti-stress toy that you can squeeze in your hand in the pocket of your coat or bag. Do this several times, counting to yourself in your mind. By the way, such an exercise will help not only to cope with anger, but also to relax the muscles if you experience carpal tunnel syndrome.
5. Separate feelings and behavior
Often short-tempered people can express negative feelings through actions without noticing it. For example, slam your fist on the table, stand up abruptly and leave the room, or make a defiant grimace to let others know about your emotions.
But so that temper does not interfere with building relationships with people, it is worth learning to separate feelings and behavior. You can even display a reminder on your phone screen: “It’s okay to be angry, it’s not allowed to bang your fists on the table.” Try to pay attention to it and follow this statement every time you feel that anger is growing in your soul.
6. Think about what you want to say
A quick-tempered person tends to jump to conclusions and say the first thing that comes to his mind. But such behavior often becomes a reason for a quarrel or misunderstanding. So try to control yourself and think about what you want to say. You can even honestly admit to the interlocutor that you need a couple of minutes to formulate your point of view.
And it’s also worth listening carefully to what they say to you and asking additional questions – this will allow you to better understand the interlocutor and in some situations calm down instead of getting angry with him.
7. Talk about what you don’t like
Feel free to talk about what makes your character “flare” again and again. The more you accumulate irritation in yourself, the worse the consequences can be when it spills out.
It is important to express your feelings tactfully and talk about what you are experiencing, and not blame or reproach the interlocutor. Sometimes people around you may not even suspect that some of their actions make you angry. And an honest conversation about how you feel will, in many cases, help clarify the situation and think together how to resolve it.
8. Look at yourself from the side
Few people feel anger or anger. It is worth making sure of this by looking at yourself from the outside while you are experiencing these feelings. Assess how the appearance changes: the face acquires an unpleasant grimace, a stoop appears, the body becomes tense.
Take a look in the mirror when you are angry and try to relax to see how your appearance improves. This exercise can be a motivation to control your temper. At the same time, it’s not about suppressing emotions at all, it’s just worth learning to live them constructively, without harming yourself and others.
9. Check Your Hormones
Hormones can affect the psychological state of a person. And if you often experience irritation and anger for no apparent reason, you should visit an endocrinologist. Severe irascibility may indicate that the thyroid gland produces too much thyroid and too little thyroid-stimulating hormones.
You should also get tested for testosterone. Its increase can make even the most calm woman in character aggressive. Fortunately, once the balance is restored, anger and irritation will appear much less frequently.