People can judge others because of their appearance, habits, age, preferences. Such pressure causes considerable discomfort. In the material, we understand why there is a feeling that everyone condemns you and how to deal with it.
Why do you feel like people around you are judging you?
Before you begin to get rid of unpleasant emotions, it is important to understand why they may appear.
People want to be loved and accepted. When desire is too strong, it can lead to fear that the opposite will happen – others will judge you and treat you not well enough. When a person dwells on this fear, he experiences the feeling that this is actually happening, even when there are no real premises that speak of condemnation.
Traumatic experiences can also affect the feeling of being blamed or criticized for something. For example, if parents were more likely to condemn than to praise. Or in a past relationship, the partner behaved in a similar way. Often, a constant feeling of condemnation accompanies those who experienced its open manifestation and could not cope with this stress. Even in new relationships and life situations, a person still feels that an unpleasant experience is repeated again.
Also, this feeling often arises due to low self-esteem, when a person is not sure that he has qualities and achievements for which he can be appreciated.
How to deal with the feeling that everyone is judging you
Coping with feeling judged requires working on both your self-esteem and your way of thinking. We’ve put together a few tips to help you do just that.
1. Stop judging yourself
The way you feel about yourself has a lot to do with how people around you feel about you. So the first thing is to stop judging yourself. Many people do this unconsciously. For example, having made a mistake, they will surely mentally say about themselves as a loser. Or when looking in the mirror, they automatically begin to look for flaws in themselves.
It is important to accept that everyone makes mistakes, this is quite normal. Try to refuse negative comments in your address every time you notice them. Replace them with neutral ones, for example, that the situation that has developed with you could happen to anyone and is not a reason for condemnation. Or to positive comments: “It makes me stronger”, “Feeling that I am judged is not true. People have something to respect me for.”
2. Stop comparing yourself to others
Fear of judgment and thoughts about it arise when you often compare yourself with others. Therefore, it is important to give up this habit. Each person is unique, but no one is perfect. Think of those who seem more successful or attractive to you not as competitors, against whose background you look bad, but as an inspiring example. And you should compare yourself only with yourself in the past and more often do it in a positive way.
3. Stop Assuming What Other People Think About You
The feeling that you are being judged is most often based on assumptions that are not true. It is important to remind yourself of this more often. For example, your interlocutor may be reticent because he is insecure or has a headache, and not because he is secretly judging you.
Don’t get hung up on what others think of you – instead, think about what is important to you personally, what you want to do and how you can improve your attitude towards yourself. And give it as much of your time and attention as possible.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Think about what you would say to your best friend if she shared that she feels judged by others. It is unlikely that you would answer that there really is a reason for this and that she is not good enough to be appreciated. But for some reason, often people allow just such comments in their address, which reinforces the feeling that no one likes them.
Self-compassion is a practice aimed at learning to treat yourself as you would your best friends and loved ones. The more you spend time with it, the less you judge yourself and project this habit onto others. Read more about how to learn self-compassion here.
5. Humble yourself
When a person decides to come to terms with being judged, they can act more confidently without worrying about what others think.
The next time you feel like you’re being judged, try to accept it instead of getting upset or trying to please everyone in an attempt to make things right. Tell yourself, “Being judged doesn’t make me a bad person,” and keep doing what you love.
Also, remind yourself more often that people judge subjectively most of the time. And there are many reasons for this. They may be insecure and try to make themselves feel better or feel fear at the expense of someone, since you do not fit into the labels and frames in their head. Regardless of the situation, remind yourself that how a person judges others is more about themselves than those around them.