6 Ways to Express Jealousy Without Ruining Your Relationship – HEROINE


Sometimes it’s normal to feel jealous when you’re in a relationship. But when she appears often and seems to be swallowing you up, you should talk about your feelings with your partner. If this is not done, emotions will accumulate, which can lead to a big quarrel, insecurity or disappointment. But you need to be able to express jealousy – we talk about how to do it in a healthy way in the material.

1. Understand the reasons before you start a conversation

Before you talk to your partner about your jealousy, analyze where it comes from. Think about the situations in which you experience it and what could be the reason for your feelings.

Often the source of jealousy is self-doubt. That is, the problem is not that the partner behaves incorrectly, but in your assumption that you are not good enough. Insecure people view any person their partner has looked at as a competitor who is potentially dangerous to their relationship. But the reason lies not in others, but in how a person treats himself. If he does not feel beautiful, worthy of love, doubts his abilities and qualities, then jealousy becomes unhealthy and permanent.

Another common reason for this feeling is the fear of being abandoned or alone. This makes the partner jealous even when there is no good reason for this.

Jealousy is no less common among people who have experienced betrayal in the past. Such trauma can leave its mark on all subsequent relationships and make a person suspicious, doubtful and worried that the unpleasant experience will not be repeated.

In addition to the above reasons, the source of jealousy often lies in codependency, that is, fixation solely on a partner and his interests. Also, this feeling arises if a person treats a partner as a property that should belong exclusively to him.

Having understood the reason, you can tell your partner about jealousy so that he understands you exactly. Discuss what could be done with both you and him so that you can experience this feeling less often or completely get rid of it.

2. Don’t Blame, Talk About Your Feelings and Concerns

A big mistake couples make when talking about jealousy is blaming. When you start a conversation with them, your partner is likely to quickly become defensive. It is unlikely to help build a constructive dialogue and come to a compromise or problem solving.

Instead of blaming your partner, talk to him about your feelings. Start sentences not with “you”, but with “I”. For example: “I feel jealous when you hug your girlfriends when you meet and would like to talk about it,” and not “You hug your girlfriends, because of this I am jealous.”

Keep a calm tone, try to talk about feelings without too much negativity. Then it will be easier for you and your partner to tune in to a dialogue and come to a decision.

3. Don’t expect an instant solution

In order to understand a loved one, one conversation may not always be enough. And you need to be ready for this. You and your partner may need to set aside a few evenings to discuss your feelings of jealousy, express your emotions, and figure out what to do next.

Also, don’t expect instant changes once you’ve arrived at a specific solution to a problem. It can be difficult for a person to immediately get used to new boundaries in a relationship, rules of conduct that will help to cope with your jealousy.

For example, if his manner of communication has always included flirting from time to time, he may behave so unconsciously. And getting rid of an established habit will require some time and effort from him.

4. Talk about rules to help build trust

It is definitely worth discussing what rules in a relationship would help eradicate jealousy. They should be comfortable for both you and your partner.

Note that you should not give him ultimatums and control every step. Such actions do not improve trust. It is important to discuss the rules and come to a compromise, and then agree to follow them. Also, special exercises will help you learn to trust each other – you will find them in this material.

5. Have a private conversation

Surely in a movie or in real life you have seen a scene when a quarrel motivated by jealousy flared up between partners in a public place. For example, in a cafe or at a party of friends. In addition to the fact that a public showdown is impolite and does not look very pleasant, it is unlikely to help solve the problem.

To properly talk about jealousy, it is important to choose a time when you are alone with your partner. But if feelings overtook you when there are a lot of people around, try to also hide from prying eyes with your partner. For example, briefly go into another room or go outside to say that you are uncomfortable.

6. Calm down first, then act

When a person is overwhelmed with emotions due to jealousy, he can do rash and unpleasant things. But they do nothing good. Therefore, it is worth giving yourself time to calm down before moving on to actions, such as talking with a partner.

Take a few deep breaths or distract yourself with something to help you deal with your emotions: listen to your favorite song, do an exercise, read something positive. And only then start a conversation or offer a way out of an unpleasant situation.

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