7 tips to stop obsessing over your flaws – HEROINE


To better understand yourself and grow, you need to know your shortcomings. But if you constantly dwell on them, you can start to criticize yourself, lose confidence and completely forget about your merits. In the material, we have collected tips on how to stop constantly thinking about your shortcomings.

1. Switch attention

The less you think about your shortcomings, the less impact negative thoughts have on your self-esteem. Therefore, you need to be able to stop an unpleasant and self-critical internal dialogue in time.

One of the most effective ways to do this is to switch attention. The task that will help in this must be difficult and require full concentration and dedication. For example, as soon as you find yourself beating yourself up again or thinking about your shortcomings, start solving a difficult puzzle in a smartphone app or a math problem. You can also come up with any word and try to find the maximum number of associations, rhymes, synonyms and antonyms for it.

This technique for dealing with negative thoughts eventually becomes a useful habit that you can use anywhere. It also helps to calm down before making important decisions.

2. Update your role models

People often compare themselves to those they like or have attractive qualities. But not always such role models can be useful. Often they become triggers, because of which a person concentrates on their shortcomings and is embarrassed by them, instead of accepting them.

Therefore, it is worth reviewing your “heroes” from time to time and assessing the impact they have on you. For example, refuse to view photos of models that use filters and other programs for face and skin correction. Unrealistic images can form the wrong images in the head and become a reason to compare yourself with them in a negative way. Instead, you should prefer “live” photos, which depict ordinary people, and not ideals that are simply impossible to achieve.

3. Stop judging others

In psychology, there is such a thing as projection – this is a behavior model in which a person attributes to other people emotions and character traits that he does not like in himself, and then condemns them for this. And the more often he notices the shortcomings of others, the more often he mentally turns to his own.

Therefore, it is necessary to try to stop judging those who are nearby. Recognize that no one is perfect. Such a view of the world will help you cope with insecurity and more often notice the virtues in yourself and in those around you.

4. Get rid of feelings of shame

Often people dwell on their shortcomings because they experience a sense of shame. For example, they reproach themselves for laziness, lack of life goals. And it is the feeling that they are to blame for something that causes negative thoughts about themselves.

The fact is that shame becomes chronic and toxic over time. And a person begins to constantly consider himself bad because of some act or character trait. The longer he experiences this emotion, the more negatively he feels about himself. We talked more about why toxic shame appears, as well as ways to deal with it, in this material.

5. Complain less

The more a person complains, the more often he thinks about what does not suit him in life. And this only reinforces obsession with their own shortcomings. Therefore, it is worth leaving the habit of talking about the bad and instead focus on ways to fix or accept what you do not like.

6. Learn to hear and accept compliments

A person who is obsessed with his own shortcomings rarely knows how to accept compliments from others and take them seriously. But it is important to learn to hear those who are nearby and to notice their words. This helps you focus on your strengths and builds self-esteem.

By the way, if because of thoughts about shortcomings you feel depressed or you can’t find dignity in yourself, you should ask friends and relatives to write what they like about you. And then refer to the resulting list more often to strengthen self-esteem and see the good in yourself.

7. Say affirmations

Self-hypnosis is a great technique for dealing with negative thinking. And one of her methods is pronouncing affirmations. These are positive beliefs that set you up for self-love and change.

The correct affirmation should not contain particles “not”. For convenience and comfort, it is worth making it short and capacious. Eg:

  • I accept myself;
  • I have the right to be wrong;
  • I allow myself to be myself;
  • I appreciate myself.

It is worth repeating affirmations every time you feel that you are starting to criticize yourself and obsessively think about your shortcomings.

Read related:What is Solomon’s paradox and why giving advice is easier than following it

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