8 reasons why people are more likely to offend those they love – HEROINE

1. The paradox of trust and intimacy

The closer and more trusting people feel in a relationship, the more freedom they feel. They see that they are accepted for who they are. Because of this, they can no longer control what words they say about loved ones. Often, phrases, especially during a quarrel, turn out to be offensive and caustic precisely because a person can speak openly and sincerely.

But the constant violation of personal boundaries and intemperance causes great harm to those you love. Even a spontaneous comment, for which you eventually apologize, can cause great psychological trauma, which a person will cope with for a long time.

2. Avoidant attachment style

There are several styles of attachment in a relationship. They are manifested in behavior patterns, communication and are laid from childhood. If the parents were emotionally cold with the child, then the child is more likely to develop an avoidant attachment style.

To cope with discomfort, people with this behavior pattern find ways to suppress their needs and emotions. They may appear dismissive and judge those around them for being overly obsessive about wanting to express their feelings and getting it from them in return. If left unchecked, avoidant attachment behavior can become toxic. This is a good example of how a hurt person tends to hurt those they love because of their own discomfort.

3. Self-sabotage

Even if everything is going well in a relationship, some people tend to look for reasons to fight or resent. This behavior is called self-sabotage. It can be caused by unresolved childhood traumas, negative past experiences, thought patterns, fears and phobias.

People who are prone to self-sabotage are often overly critical of loved ones and tend to blame them for even the smallest of reasons. And they may also believe that the problem is not in their behavior, but in the fact that the person they are offending takes their words too sharply.

4. Impulsivity

If a person is impulsive, he offends loved ones more often. He says or does something, and only then thinks about the consequences of his act. This behavior is a habit and is not limited to relationships. It harms its owner, alienates people from him and forces him to make decisions that he later regrets.

5. Lack of communication skills

When a person lacks communication skills, he is unable to fully and openly communicate with loved ones. It may be difficult for him to express his point of view or talk about problems in a way that he is understood, but at the same time the communication was not rude or offensive. A person may even prefer to be silent instead of talking, which can also hurt those he loves.

A study conducted in 2016 in the United States showed that it is the lack of open and high-quality communication that is the most common reason why close people move away or are offended by each other. This is due to the fact that people cannot understand the feelings and emotions of loved ones, which is why relationships lack the support and empathy that each person needs.

6. Lack of empathy

If a person does not have empathy, that is, is not able to recognize the feelings of others and empathize with them, he can often offend loved ones. In relationships with acquaintances and friends, this feature may not interfere so noticeably. But when it comes to friends, partners or relatives, it often leads to resentment and misunderstanding.

We talked about how to understand that you have problems with empathy in this material. Note that it can be developed – this will help to offend those you love less. It is worth starting to learn active listening, asking clarifying questions in conversations, not drawing attention to yourself, and taking the words of the interlocutor seriously. And also learn more about emotions and what is behind them.

7. Fear of intimacy

It is not difficult for many people to enter into a new relationship, but it is difficult to open up to a partner and let them know who they really are, with all the advantages and disadvantages. This may indicate a fear of intimacy, which is often the reason why people offend those they truly love.

They really want to be close to their loved ones, but they are very afraid of being vulnerable and cannot fully trust them. Therefore, they offend and repel others.

8. Idealization and high expectations

Some people tend to be overly demanding of others. And those they love, they idealize. High expectations make them treat those close to them much more critically than those they do not know. People attribute to loved ones many roles and behaviors that are expected of them, which can hurt and offend.

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